i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
