Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize