I want to walk on stilts...naked
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
