I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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