I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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