Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I showed him my bush... on skype.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
This is classic penis vs brain.
my poor anus
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
