If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
