I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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