Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Randomize
