Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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