he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
