I think my fart just growled at me.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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