can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Randomize
