What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize