I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
