you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
