I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize