is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
