To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
i need an iv and a liver transplant
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
