I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
