shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Randomize
