Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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