I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
