I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
sex in a hospital.. check
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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