and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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