Yo dont text me then not text me
Did we literally take a cab across the street
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
