do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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