I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
