Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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