Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
