I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
