david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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