I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
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