Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
