Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
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