i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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