thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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