Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
