So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
