my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
You smell like a Billy Joel song
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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