You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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