I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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