We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
