He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
