So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
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