hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
