My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Randomize
