life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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