She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
