my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
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