Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
