Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
