maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
