Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
