Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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