the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
