The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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