Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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