I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
