I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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