Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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