I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
He passed out mid-signature
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
