The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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