I think I am morally bankrupt
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Randomize
