I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
