I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
