yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
