I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize