haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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