How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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