Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
