Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
