I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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