Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
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