The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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