I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
