So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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