I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
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