Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
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