You're so nebulous sometimes
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
