I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
