Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
sex in a hospital.. check
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
