i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
